8:51 PM, Monday July 4th 2022
There is definitely improvement here overall, although there are things we'll continue to work on and address - though you won't need to worry about another full redo.
Starting with your arrows, this is actually an area where I'd say your last submission's was somewhat better, although the difference isn't that significant. The important point is that your original submission's page of arrows was a little less hesitant and uncertain, with your marks coming out really confidently, creating nice, flowing structures. Your latest attempt is still pretty decent, but I can see a bit more hesitation behind some of the marks, which makes them a little shaky or irregular at times.
Continuing onto your leaves, your work here is definitely vastly improved over before. Previously your approach was quite chaotic and lacked the kind of structure that comes from building on top of the previous stage, so that's definitely a big step in the right direction. I am however noticing that you are still prone to trying to add a bunch of edge detail in a single stroke (like here). This breaks this principle of markmaking from Lesson 1 and runs into the same kind of issues that make zigzagging edge detail something to avoid.
Lastly, this one definitely skips some steps, which you can read about here. You can also see a similar kind of leaf being constructed in this demonstration.
Continuing onto your branches, you've definitely improved on this front as well, although I do think you still run into issues at times in terms of ensuring that every edge segment extends fully halfway to the next, and that you get a healthy overlap between them. So for example, here your next segment started way too far down, instead of at the previous ellipse (resulting in a smaller overlap), and here your segments didn't extend beyond the individual ellipses. This is done better in other cylindrical structures however, so just be sure to follow the instructions here as closely as you can.
I have another two quick recommendations for this one:
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Avoid just drawing all your branches as being super straight and rigid. Go more for ones like this, where they're actually bending and flowing.
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On some of your branches you've got a shift in degree as we slide farther away from the viewer, though in others you don't. The tendency to draw very straight branches kind of messes with that impression as well, but I can see in cases like this that the degree of all the ellipses remains too consistent.
Moving onto your plant constructions, there are a number of things I want to call out, some of which I had addressed in my previous critique:
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In my previous critique I talked about how it's important that we give each and every drawing as much room as it individually requires, and to avoid packing a ton of drawings onto a page just for the sake of having a bunch. I mentioned that: The best approach to use here is to ensure that the first drawing on a given page is given as much room as it requires. Only when that drawing is done should we assess whether there is enough room for another. If there is, we should certainly add it, and reassess once again. If there isn't, it's perfectly okay to have just one drawing on a given page as long as it is making full use of the space available to it. I think you applied this in some of your pages (although honestly I'm unsure because each of the photos are close crops - better to have the entire page be visible, from edge to edge), but on this page you got more caught up in packing the page.
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It's important that even when you have a bunch of overlapping leaves, that you draw each and every form in its entirety, rather than having them get cut off by neighbouring structures. So for example, here each petal should have been drawn as a complete, self-enclosed structure, with a complete flow line. This helps us to better understand how they all sit together in 3D space, and how they relate to one another within that space, which is a major focus of this course. After all - an object does not cease to exist where it is blocked from view.
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I'm also noticing that when you tackle something with a lot of separate elements (like a lot of separate petals) you become more likely to rush the linework for each individual petal, as we see here on this lotus. As explained here back in Lesson 1, it's common for students to decide how much time they're going to spend on a drawing or exercise ahead of time, and they try and fit everything into that timespan. Thus, if they have a lot of lines to draw, each one receives less time. This is of course wrong - you should be allowing the complexity of the thing you're tackling to dictate how long it's going to take, ultimately giving each form you construct, every shape you draw, and every mark you execute, as much time as it individually requires to be done to the best of your current ability. If this means you cannot finish a given construction in one sitting, that's fine - you can spread it across multiple sittings and days as needed.
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Lastly, do not forget the principles of markmaking from Lesson 1, and the specific steps involved in the ghosting method. I can see some of your marks/forms being pieced together with a lot of separate, loosely related strokes, rather than singular, purposeful, planned marks. You're allowing yourself to forget about those techniques at times, and it severely undermines the solidity of some of your constructions - like this one.
I'm going to assign some revisions below.
Next Steps:
Please submit the following:
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1 page, half of leaves, half of branches
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3 pages of plant constructions