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10:08 PM, Friday January 21st 2022

I'll definitely try my best to stop annotating. Pretty much what you've said is true. Although sometimes it was for me to keep in mind mistakes to avoid as I'm working. I now know how it can be bothersome for the critiquer, so I'll stop. Sorry about that!

Thanks for the critique Lefebul!

About the organic intersections:

A mistake you made on both pages is that your shadows are sticking to the form casting them rather than to the form they’re being cast onto, and thus are looking more like a thick dark outline than like cast shadows, as is shown here: https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/516f8d4f.jpg

After I sent my 1st page for critique on the Discord server, I was also told the same thing and got some tips. I tried to apply it to the 1st page and make sure the 2nd one didn't have the same issue. I guess I didn't understand shading in this scenario as I thought, and even now I still cannot imagine what would the correct way would look like on my submitted pages. If you don't mind, I think it might be very helpful to see how you might fix a shadow on my page, or at least point out which particular sausages have the issue. The only thing that comes to mind is that I could intensify the shadows more; like in the case of the 1st page middle sausage, I'm guessing that you mean that I should bring that shadow down more (and of course distorting it based on the contour of the of the sausage below it like in the example image you sent).

Your forms also feel too stiff, especially on the second page, which could be improved by having them intersect more instead of laying them one in front of the other. The underside of one sausage will be “lifted up” by having another round sausage under it, and you can show that by “carving” the form of that second sausage into the first one. It may be a little difficult now, but keep practising and thinking of your sausages as water balloons, and it’ll get better. See how the small round bottom sausage on the right is carving into the bigger central sausage laying on it here, for example: https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/db8b6730.jpg

The second page certainly has more stiff sausages, but I guess they're too stiff? I think that I try too hard to avoid the "Mistake: Complicated forms" and forget that I still need to deform the sausages at least a little; Similar to what you said about the lack of foreshortening in the form intersections. Maybe that's the case here as well.

So in my revision, I'll try to make the sausages less "stiff". As for the shadows, I still don't really "see" the problem you mention in my pages to be honest. I understand well the example image you shared, but it's only 1 pair of sausages with a unique position set. The only idea I have about fixing is maybe to exagerrate some of the cast shadows, but even then looking at the example homework on the lesson page, it doesn't seem necessary.

Anyway, I'll try my revision soon. Perhaps I should wait a bit if you have any other advice on the shadows though. I feel that I need more clarification, because at the moment I simply can't "see" it no matter how much I've been trying.

I hope I didn't sound rude, because I really appreciated your critique and for the time you spent on it. Thanks for the warmup recommendations. I wish you the best Lefebul!

12:51 PM, Tuesday January 25th 2022
edited at 12:53 PM, Jan 25th 2022

hi again Soundpaints and no worries you're not being rude at all

I appreciate you asking for more explicit examples, I'm happy that you're not just agreeing for the sake of it and really trying to understand what I mean, it also gives me some feedback on how to explain myself more clearly and go deeper than a shallow critique, so thanks ! don't hesitate to ask more follow up questions if you need to.

You'll find more precise indications here (I hope my handwriting is readable) : https://ibb.co/album/M2khzd

I focused on shadows on your first page and on intersections on your second page. please reach out to me if anything is unclear to you in what I wrote :)

As for the stiffness of your sausages, I definitely feel like you have some room to allow yourself to draw more curved ones, and as you can see more intersections make the whole seem less stiff already.

good luck !

edited at 12:53 PM, Jan 25th 2022
8:44 PM, Tuesday January 25th 2022

Seeing how you tackled intersections and shadows on my pages really opened my eye. And the explanations were super helpful. Now I feel that I asked for too much! I feel that you put too much effort to just help me. ;-;

I now feel more confident in my understanding of cast shadows and how it applies here, as well as intersections playing a big role in reducing stiffness.

Link to revision:

https://imgur.com/a/NoMTaxz

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Let me know if I'm to revise this or focus on it during warm ups. I feel that your explanations have helped me a great deal for this exercise, but I've yet to apply it to my satisfaction (especially the cast shadows). I appreciate your honesty!

Again, I can't thank you enough for your effort. Hope you're doing well!

5:02 PM, Monday January 31st 2022

Hi Soundpaints, here I am again!

I hope you're doing well as well, sorry for taking a bit of time to reply

I'm happy if the additional indications helped you out, that's always nice to hear! I can see that you've attempted more intersections and are using cast shadows more sparingly, with more forethought.

I will however ask you for one more page of this exercise (sorry !), as there are still some mistakes there than I want you to watch out for on your next attempt:

  • First, I'd like you to draw more sausages (7-8), keeping in mind that they should preferably be laid out cross-wise (as is explained here: https://drawabox.com/lesson/2/9/parallel ). I'll also ask you to read all the instructions for this exercise again, just refresh the important points in your mind. Also take some time studying Uncomfortable's example homework, looking at where the cast shadows are and where they aren't, and thinking about why.

  • Second, the way you drew the cast shadows B and D makes it seem like the sausage is lifting from the ground in the middle, which undermines the illusion of weight we're trying to achieve. To prevent this, there should be a smoother transition between the slim shadow cast by the body of the sausage to the bigger cast shadows at the ends, as I tried to show in my correction: https://ibb.co/CV1Y3w1

Even though, as I explained in my previous critique, it is not necessary to draw large cast shadows when forms are sticking closely to one another, in that case a slim shadow is useful because else it seems like the form is lifting up from the ground. So for your next revision I'd like you to look at your drawing critically in terms of what it communicates about how these shapes exist in 3D space, and to keep that in mind when applying cast shadows.

When it comes to shadows, keep thinking about how they wrap along forms and try not to be afraid of drawing shadows that show a lot of variation in size, going from large to slim along the contours of the form.

For instance your shadows H and E look like they're the same even though they're cast on 2 different sausages, so take care to wrap them up more around each sausage in order to avoid that. The shadow is still pretty thick in my correction, but H could actually just have been added lineweight, since it's a part where the two sausages are pretty tightly against one another.

  • Lastly, please keep in mind that even though it is good to have your sausages curve a little bit, they shouldn't turn at a 90° angle like 2 of the ones in your drawing do. Your sausages are also a bit long, which makes them a little too complex and difficult to handle (which is also what partly causes the problem with your bigger central sausage looking like it's lifting up from the ground)

That's it, I hope that these comments can be of further help to you and I'll be waiting for your 2nd revision. Sorry to make you go through this again, but I feel that this is necessary before letting you go on to the next lesson. Hang in there :)

Next Steps:

1 more page of organic intersections.

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
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