Uncomfortable

2023-06-23 22:19

While this subreddit is reserved for discussion specific to the Drawabox course and its assignments (and so communities like /r/ArtistLounge and /r/learnart may be more suitable, as AutoModerator mentioned), I do have some thoughts to offer in regards to your question.

Firstly, the frustration you're encountering is normal. While it's there for those of us who started much earlier, I expect it would be more palpable the older we get, as that sense of "not enough time" looms. You've spent 40 years being a human, and I'd imagine you've gotten pretty good at it. I've seen some people describe this as being a "Level 40 human", and that analogy can be quite useful. For all intents and purposes, you're currently Level 0 at drawing. What one might expect for a Level 40 human in regards to human activities, one cannot reasonably expect from drawing-related activities, if you are only Level 0. But then, few of us are concerned with what's reasonable. We want what we want.

Patience and endurance is itself a skill that is developed over time. When I started drawing, I'd spend a few minutes at most on a sketch or a doodle, before my mind would wander, or the thing would feel stale and not worth further investment. Over time however, I was able to spend longer. 15 minutes, then an hour, then several hours. More importantly than that however, was learning that I did not have to complete what I was working on in one sitting. Again, a reasonable thought, but one that most of my own students tend to overlook.

The long and the short of it is this - we all start somewhere. It's understandable that you'd be frustrated, not only because you're starting later in life, but also because you're starting over, having some memory of what you could once do, and having to deal with building back up to it.

Ultimately it all comes down to a discrepancy between what you can do, and what you want to do. It's the expectations that hold us back, those expectations which breed frustration and exacerbate the impatience that is entirely natural. So, I suggest this instead: Have your goals, have what you desire to achieve, but instead of framing them as a specific target (for instance, I would like to spend 5 hours drawing each day), frame them as directions in which you would like to move. "I'd like to be able to sit and draw for longer."

When we focus on a specific target, we tend to hyperfixate only on our failure to achieve them. A direction however gives us credit for every step we take in that direction, they allow us to acknowledge that there is growth there, regardless of the quantity. You may have drawn only for 30 seconds yesterday, but perhaps you drew for 60 seconds today. In the face of 5 hours, it's a paltry, inconsequential difference. But setting aside that specific goal, it is a doubling - and that is no small thing.

Acknowledge and recognize your small victories, and they will come to you in greater number.