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4:35 PM, Sunday October 24th 2021
edited at 4:36 PM, Oct 24th 2021

Hi Koyomi! I'll be reviewing your homework. Let's see:

Organic Arrows: It looks great. Your lines look confident and fluid, and your arrows mostly get bigger and with greater space between edges as the arrow comes closer. There are a couple that don't follow this rule, and they end up looking like this when they should look like this. That being said, most of your arrows look like the latter, so either you did it on purpose or it's not that big of a deal, since you got the idea of the exercise.

Also, we don't correct lines, even if there are mistakes (or we try not to, at least :P). There were a couple of little corrections on some arrows; not a big deal, but you should keep it in mind.

Organic Forms with Contour Ellipses: Good job with your ellipses, they're drawn confidently, two to three times, and they mostly align to the minor axis, even when your middle line isn't precise. You were a little too shy about changing the degree of the ellipses though. When doing warmups, try to experiment with that, as it is very useful for understanding how the forms twist and bend into 3D space.

Some of your organic forms tend to get squished in one end, remember that they should be like two spheres connected by a tube, no pinching of any kind.

Organic Forms with Contour Curves: While you made the changes in degree much better this time around, all the previous corrections still stand in this case. Again, watch out for the corrections, if there are any mistakes, let them be. The curves are more misaligned than the ellipses as well, remember that they also have to be aligned with the minor axis. Good job wrapping the curves around the form.

Lastly, one issue relating to both Organic Forms exercises. When you make the little ellipse at the end, you have to consider its degree as well: it's like the upper parallels on a globe. That's why sometimes you have wide ellipses/curves right besides a end ellipse that has a narrower degree and it breaks the illusion, on those cases, the end ellipse should have a similar degree to the last one. It may take you a time to understand this, but when it clicks, it will make your understanding of the form so much better. Also, one end ellipse is enough, that way you can know where the form is facing to.

Texture Analysis: Good job with your textures, you're capturing the cast shadows, and getting a visible transition from dense to sparse. On the paper one you could've broken more the black line at the left, it is still too visible. Remember that the amount of white at the right should be roughly equal to the amount of black on the left side for a good transition. Your bricks got that a lot better.

Also, on your crocodile skin, you have to consider that the lines you have running vertically are also a result of a cast shadow, and think of that when you make your marks. Like in this picture, you can see that even on the denser, darker parts, it still reads as a cast shadow, with width variations, and it eventually dissapears at the ends. That way, it feels more like a texture and less as a superimposed black line. But keep in mind, these are all just side advices, you got the core of the exercise right :)

Dissections: In general, your forms and ellipses are a lot better than the Organic Forms ones. There is some squishing still, but that will resolve itself with practice. As for your textures, they're mostly great, they break the silhouette, and they wrap around your form. There are a few where you didn't break the silhouette, but they're the exception. In others, like the mud or wool ones, you applied too much black at the edges, and it kind of breaks the illusion of form, flattening the image, so watch out for that. But overall, you did a great job.

Form Intersections: Your forms look great, solid and believable; your line weight is well made, especially on the boxes. On the last pages the lineweight looks more like a cast shadow from the texture exercises, be careful with that. Any lineweight should be made ghosting and superimposing lines, not as a texture.

Your intersections are pretty well made, even if it's just a side objective of the exercise. There are a couple of issues though. One: be careful with your dots. On the box page, they stand out a little too much. Try to be more subtle when using them.

Two: you made fewer forms than instructed in all of your pages. To quote Uncomfortable:

fill up the whole damn page.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to make a contour ellipse for your spheres, same as in the organic forms. It will help with making the form more believable.

Organic Intersections: They look good. Some of the forms are too squished on one side, remember that they should have the same width all along the form, even when they're behind other sausages. Be careful with your cast shadows in sections like this. When your cast shadow keeps having the same width as it goes along the form, it ends up like a thick line and it can flatten your image, or also it can be read as if your upper sausage is floating, not resting on the sausage below. Compare that to this picture. You did better on the second page.

Not much more to say here (besides remembering the past corrections), but again, the same mistake: there are just not enough forms.

So, great job overall! But I'll have to ask you to complete your pages of form intersections with as much forms as you can fit. No space between forms, no separated clusters of forms. And on your organic intersections, add more forms as well, as much as you can and feel natural to you (obviously here you can't fill the whole page). That's it, if you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer.

Next Steps:

  • Complete the four Form Intersections pages with as many forms as you can fit.

  • Complete the two Organic Intersections pages with as many forms as you can fit and feel natural to you.

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
edited at 4:36 PM, Oct 24th 2021
6:55 AM, Monday October 25th 2021

wow i... thanks you so much for writing such a complete and helpful review i'm honored. i will complete my intersections and send them back in the next few days

3:44 AM, Thursday November 4th 2021

sorry i forgot to send you my corrections here they are i've put a picture of after and before

https://imgur.com/a/niZuzO0

11:02 PM, Thursday November 4th 2021

Great job on your form intersections! They're looking really solid, save for some wobbly spheres. Your organic intersections keep me worried though, the added forms are too wobbly, and they feel flat because of the way that they're arranged. Try to think of them as balloons full of water, and think about how one form would fall into the next.

I recommend you go through Uncomfortable's video again and make one more page of Organic Intersections from scratch. Keep in mind the ghosting of all lines, the degrees of the ellipses and the way one form falls into another.

Sorry to keep you hanging in here, it's just that on subsequent lessons it will be kind of a big deal, and it's better for you to go from here totally understanding how it works. I myself am stuck on Lesson 4 thanks to my shortcomings on organic forms :P So yeah, good luck and don't get discouraged!

Next Steps:

  • Go through Uncomfortable's video again.

  • Make one more Organic Intersections page from scratch. Remember to ghost your lines and to think about the forms as having mass and weight.

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
4:51 PM, Wednesday November 10th 2021

http://imgur.com/a/gf0V4u2 thanks for caring and giving me more to work on. tell me what you think about it... i don't think it's very good

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