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6:07 PM, Friday April 19th 2024
edited at 6:43 PM, Apr 19th 2024

hello, i'll be critiquing your submission

arrows

X - some of the lines on the arrow heads look rushed, you should always ghost every line and execute with confidence

X - there doesn't seem to be any line weight added to the part of the arrow closer to the viewer, making it slightly confusing to figure out which part is behind and which is in front in some arrows

correct - all of the arrows compress and get smaller as they move farther back

organic forms

X - the degree of the ellipses/contours remains mostly the same (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/6822fd02.jpg,

https://imgur.com/rXLBxSg)

X - the contour curves are very shallow, they aren't hooking around on most sausages (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/77f2ca1c.jpg)

X - the contour curves are misaligned to the minor axis (the flow line) (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/4d7871e1.jpg) (although the ellipses seem to be fairly aligned)

correct - most of the ellipses touch the edges of the sausage

texture analysis

correct - drawing in cast shadows and not lines

correct - gradient is smooth

correct - no hatching or dotted lines

dissections

X - some textures appear really scribbly (especially the hairy one on the second page)

X - some textures have outlined forms instead of shadow shapes (especially the crocodile one on the first page)

correct - not afraid to break the silhouette

form intersections

  • the point of this exercise is to make all of the forms look like they belong in the same scene, it's easier to do if 1.all of the forms have consistent, shallow perspective (some of your forms have dramatic foreshortening) and 2.if they are equilateral (some of your forms are long)

organic intersections

X - same as in the contour curves exercise, most curves aren't hooking around (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/77f2ca1c.jpg)

X - some of the cast shadows are small, they also dont follow the surface that the shadow is cast onto (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/516f8d4f.jpg)

  • most stacks look fairly solid, but the 3'rd stack looks slightly unstable, it feels as if the sausages would quickly fall over

(i saved the critique and cant edit the revisions, i forgot to add, you should also focus on keeping the curves aligned to the minor axis of the organic forms and also make sure to vary the degree of the curve)

Next Steps:

  • 1 page of organic contour curves (only the curves and not ellipses, those are fine) this time focus on hooking the curve around the form

  • 1 page of form intersections, this time focus on less, but bigger shapes, 10-12 forms should be fine, with shallower, less dramatic foreshortening/perspective and all forms should be close to equilateral

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
edited at 6:43 PM, Apr 19th 2024
3:03 PM, Tuesday April 23rd 2024

thank you for your critique, I did the organic contour twice

https://imgur.com/a/m5hX7ck

3:32 PM, Tuesday April 23rd 2024
edited at 3:37 PM, Apr 23rd 2024

the form intersections are better now and less confusing, although i do want to point out that your hatching lines should have the same amount of effort put in as all other lines (planned, ghosted and executed with confidence) they look rushed, something to look out for as you move on

as for the organic contours, i only assigned 1 page of them, and you should only do the amount of work that is assigned because you cant be sure if you're doing them right, they are slightly better, but most of them aren't really hooking around the back (you should overshoot them as if they were to go slightly behind the form if that makes sense) (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/77f2ca1c.jpg) and be sure to align the angle of the curve to the minor axis! (the flow line) (https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/4d7871e1.jpg) this is something you can practice in your warm-ups (as you'll be adding all of these exercises to your warm-up selection)

Next Steps:

  • you can try the contour curves again (with hooking/overshooting and making sure to align them to the minor axis) and send them here if you want and i'll look over them

  • add all of these exercises to your warm-up selection

  • lesson 3

This community member feels the lesson should be marked as complete, and 2 others agree. The student has earned their completion badge for this lesson and should feel confident in moving onto the next lesson.
edited at 3:37 PM, Apr 23rd 2024
5:09 PM, Tuesday April 23rd 2024

thank you for the critique, I will directly pass on lesson 3 but I will work on my organic forms in my warmup. thank you!

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