2 users agree
5:38 PM, Monday September 4th 2023
edited at 5:43 PM, Sep 4th 2023

Hello, my name is PizzaPlease and I am here to critique your Lesson 2 submission. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

First, it appears you're using ballpoint to complete this lesson. I may be mistaken and please correct me if so. Ballpoint is allowed for Lesson 1 and the 250 Box Challenge, but it is much more beneficial to use fineliners and a brush pen in Lesson 2 (reference: https://drawabox.com/lesson/2/4/step4).

Your Organic Arrows pages are mostly well-done. The lines shake a little bit, perhaps ghost them more or try to execute them a bit more quickly. Pay a bit more attention to where you place your hatching, it is often on the overlapping section. Your widths look good, I would recommend experimenting with compression more to sell the idea the arrow is flowing through 3D space.

The forms in your first page of Organic Forms are drawn well, with some inconsistency in width and the same issues with line wobbling. The second page is far less consistent and it looks like the three forms on the left of the page were squished down to fit. Remember, these forms should be drawn with consistent width and end size. The variance in degree of your ellipses is quite small. I would review this section of the lesson and think more about how the sausage forms turn in 3D space (reference: https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/368871002584907776/867744968432549928/QTEqgJa_1.png?width=618&height=601)

Your texture analysis page relies very heavily on line, when you should be focusing on shadow shapes. I would highly recommend reviewing this section of Lesson 2: https://drawabox.com/lesson/2/2 . Your gradients do not effectively transition from dark to light, as there is little nuance in the shadows.

Your first page of dissections has the same issues. Your second page is better and engages more with cast shadows. The textures on the upper right sausage form look implied, but the rest are predominately lines. You did well breaking the silhouette to make your textures more identifiable.

The forms in your form intersections should be equilateral to each other (reference: https://drawabox.com/lesson/2/8/stretched). There are more than necessary on the second page of boxes and it looks like you didn't define all their intersections as a result. The other two pages are less crowded, but still many forms do not have defined intersections. I would recommend looking at this resource: https://imgur.com/a/6Inx5Bz .

The organic instersections pages struggle with confident lines and an understanding of how the forms sit on top of each other. Remember, you should be considering how you're laying one form on top of the other before you put pen to paper. Consider: how does it sag over or wrap around this form (reference: https://drawabox.com/lesson/2/9/step3)? Line weight is applied inconsistently. It should be used to clarify overlaps and can be placed just on the overlapping sections of the form, not the entire form.

Next Steps:

Do another page of texture analysis, another page of dissections, and another page of organic intersections, after reviewing the lesson material.

I'm sorry to ask you for several pages of revisions, but I think you'll greatly benefit from it.

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
edited at 5:43 PM, Sep 4th 2023
7:24 PM, Thursday November 9th 2023
edited at 7:33 PM, Nov 10th 2023

Hello, and thank you for your critique, I really appreciate it. I would have been done with my revisions sooner but I took a break from Drawabox and participated in Inktober. Here are the revisions you requested - https://imgur.com/a/doZqBRa

Also, I have been using fineliners for all my work.

edited at 7:33 PM, Nov 10th 2023
2 users agree
12:23 PM, Sunday December 3rd 2023

The revisions look good main thing is that on the organic intersections the bottom sausage looks like it's on top of a curved surface. The ground should be simple plane. If it were a simple plane a possible solution would be like this .

Congrats on finishing lesson 2 and good luck on lesson 3!

Next Steps:

Lesson 3

This community member feels the lesson should be marked as complete, and 2 others agree. The student has earned their completion badge for this lesson and should feel confident in moving onto the next lesson.
4:09 PM, Monday December 4th 2023

Yeah that's what I noticed. Thanks a lot for the review, I appreciate it.

12:06 PM, Tuesday December 5th 2023

no worries and good lucks

0 users agree
1:22 AM, Friday August 11th 2023

i like the way they interact with each other at the last image, it feels very natrual and organic

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Sakura Pigma Microns

A lot of my students use these. The last time I used them was when I was in high school, and at the time I felt that they dried out pretty quickly, though I may have simply been mishandling them. As with all pens, make sure you're capping them when they're not in use, and try not to apply too much pressure. You really only need to be touching the page, not mashing your pen into it.

In terms of line weight, the sizes are pretty weird. 08 corresponds to 0.5mm, which is what I recommend for the drawabox lessons, whereas 05 corresponds to 0.45mm, which is pretty close and can also be used.

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