Unability to follow the "50% rule"
5:42 PM, Thursday February 4th 2021
In Lesson 0 it is told to spend at least 50% of the "drawing" time on personal drawings. I tried it and, well... I hated everything that I drew.
The thing is, I haven't drew at all my entire life and never was able to have fun with drawing. I was naturally bad at this in childhood, wasn't so motivated in learning it then, and only in university I suddenly felt an urge to represent my ideas visually. I learned 3d software for a bit, but in the end realized that I actually really want to learn to draw first.
So even basics are hard for me. All the images in my head or paintings that I like are VERY out of my current skill, so after couple of days of trying and failing to have fun I found myself just spending 100% of my time on lessons, as they do give me some joy in the process. Or practicing drawing boxes/ellipses trying to do them right. Idea in my mind right now is that I will do exercises until I will be able to draw at least anything that I like, but I guest it is the mind trap?..
The only not-lessons thing that is fun to do for me is to paint digitally, without much thought or structure, just following feelings and fixing errors simply with extra layer of paint or eraser. Probably colors and light-shadows stuff are simply visually more appealing to me. I'm still getting horrifying result though, but at least I have motivation to try. But I'm not sure if it's any useful for my learning right now.
So should I really make myself to do personal stuff even it does not bring me much joy right now? If so, is "unstructured" digital painting good enough for this? Or is there some typical beginner-friendly stuff to draw and be able to like the results? Or should I try to draw different stuff until I will find something that I can do good enough to like it?