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8:28 AM, Thursday May 13th 2021

I'll be the TA handling your Lesson 2 critique.

Before getting into your critique a quick note for your future submissions is that we prefer if you keep your exercises to a single colour per page (unless suggested like when applying correction lines to boxes earlier), mixing it up tends to distract you while completing the work as well as the person trying to look at your work.

You're making progress towards understanding the concepts introduced in this lesson and hopefully this critique will help you in your future attempts.

  • Starting off with the arrows section you want to be making sure you're drawing confidently to keep your arrows as smooth as possible, accuracy will come with mileage. There are spots where your arrows bulge/narrow suddenly, this is an issue because it gives the impression that your arrows are stretching which hurts their solidity. Remember that as our arrows move closer to the viewer we want them to widen consistently. This is a good exercise to experiment with line weight but when applying it we want to make sure we do subtly to key areas like overlaps to give clarity to our forms. Here are some things to look out for when applying line weight, and here are some reminders on how to apply it subtly. I'd like you to experiment more with foreshortening in your future attempts, by utilizing it in both the arrows themselves as well as the negative space between their curves we can create a stronger illusion of an object moving through 3D space as demonstrated here.

  • Moving into the organic forms with contours exercise your forms are getting a bit too complex. We want to create our forms with both ends being the same size and to avoid any pinching, bloating, or stretching along the form's length as discussed here. You're keeping your line work mostly confident here which is good but there's still room for improvement, if you feel uncomfortable working with contours still don't stress with more mileage it'll become more natural and your accuracy will improve just focus on keeping them smooth as your first priority. Speaking of contours I'd like you to draw your tiny ellipses on the end of your forms larger, when they're this small they don't really help you create contours and I'd like you to try and shift the degree of your contours more as well. The degree of a contour line basically represents the orientation of that cross-section in space, relative to the viewer, and as we slide along the sausage form, the cross section is either going to open up (allowing us to see more of it) or turn away from the viewer (allowing us to see less), as shown here.

  • In the texture exercises you're focusing largely on outlines and negative space rather than cast shadows created by forms along the texture itself. This makes it difficult to create gradients with implied information which we could then use to create focal points in more complex pieces, by doing so we can prevent our viewers from being visually overwhelmed with too much detail. For more on the importance of focusing on cast shadows read here. I'd also like to quickly direct you to this image which shows that when we're working with thin line like textures if we outline and fill the shadow we will create a much more dynamic texture than simply drawing lines.

  • If you feel like you don't fully grasp form intersections just yet don't worry, you're on the right track but right now this exercise is just meant to get students to start thinking about how their forms relate to one another in 3D space, and how to define those relationships on the page. We'll be going over them more in the upcoming lessons. Your forms here appear a bit hastily done at times, it looks like you needed more time planning them before drawing them. Remember that whether our goal is to draw 1 form or 100, we want to be giving each line the same amount of time planning/ghosting before drawing it.

  • While wrapping up your submission with the organic intersections exercise you show that you need a bit more time becoming comfortable with thinking of how these forms interact in 3D space and how they'd wrap around one another. I recommend trying to stack your forms perpendicularly rather than trying to keep them headed in the same direction to help make wrapping them around one another a smoother task. Addressing the previous organic form criticisms will help you here, I'd like you to draw through all of your forms when attempting this exercise again in the future as well. Drawing through our forms helps us understsand the 3D space we're attempting to createWhen it comes to your shadows you're pushing them enough so that they cast rather than just hugging the form that creates them which is a great start. It appears like your shadows aren't following a consistent light source, I recommend pushing your light source to the top left or right corner of the page to start with, it's easier than working with a light directly above your form pile.

I won't be moving you on to the next lesson just yet, each lesson builds upon each other and I'd like to make sure you understand a few of these concepts a bit more before potentially creating more problems down the road.

With that being said I'd like you to please re-read and complete:

  • 1 page of the organic forms with contours exercise

  • 1 page of the organic intersections exercise

Once you've completed the pages mentioned above reply to this critique with a link to them, I'll go over them and address anything that needs to be worked on and once you've shown you're ready for the next lesson I'll move you on.

I look forward to seeing your work.

Next Steps:

Please re-read and complete:

  • 1 page of the organic forms with contours exercise

  • 1 page of the organic intersections exercise

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
5:50 PM, Friday May 14th 2021

Hi Tofu,

Thank you for your critique. Please see my 2nd attempt here: https://imgur.com/a/OCMNBwX

I know there are some mistakes on these too (most notably a cast shadow on the wrong side of one of the sausages in the organic intersections, oops). I actually made a few more tries after my 2nd, with the intent of not having any big mistakes, but they turned out the same or worse, probably because I was stiffening up. I want to assure you that I read your critique carefully, it's just that sometimes my lines don't turn out the way I intend, and there's no way for me to hide it when I'm working in ink. Except starting over, but that's turning out to be a rabbit hole.

While I have your attention, I have a question about the organic forms with contours exercise. (BTW, you didn't specify whether I should do full ellipses or contour lines. I did ellipses, I hope that's okay.) In the examples on the website, sometimes the little ellipse is on the end of the sausage with the narrower-degree ellipses. Shouldn't it always be on end side with the wider ellipses, since the larger the degree, the more it's facing toward you?

One last note, on the organic intersections exercise you asked me to draw through my forms, and I know what that means for geometric forms, but I'm not sure when it comes to sausages. I think you meant that I should draw the ends of the sausages that aren't actually visible because they're behind other forms. But you might have meant that you wanted me to draw full ellipses instead of contour lines. Since the examples of this exercise on the website just did the "C" contour lines, that's what I did here.

Anyway, I appreciate your time. Thanks.

9:09 AM, Saturday May 15th 2021

People definitely make mistakes and that's totally normal, we don't expect perfection just that you try your best. Part of the reason we work with ink is so that we can't hide our mistakes, we're forced to see them and how they effect the form/image overall rather than just constantly erasing and drawing it again and again. This has the benefit of giving you more insight into what you want to be doing/avoiding and as well as hopefully causing you to be more patient and taking the time to think about how you draw your lines beforehand (again if your lines end up being a bit off that's fine, accuracy will come with mileage).

You're correct that I didn't state which type of contours you should draw, I would have accepted either curves, ellipses or a mix of the two. Ultimately being asked for revisions can be really stressful for some people so on one hand it gives them a bit more control so they don't dread them as much, but it can also be interesting to see whether they take the more difficult task or the easier one (there's no wrong choice, it's just interesting when you look at tons of submissions all the time).

The small ending ellipse should always be on the end closest to the viewer, their may be mistakes in the examples as the examples are meant to be an example of what an average submission may look like. People struggle with grinding and as you mentioned it's a bit of a rabbit hole, if the examples were perfect people would just grind more unfortunately.

You ended up drawing through your forms correctly for the most part (you should draw the contours that you can't see as well), it's the same idea as drawing through your boxes ultimately. Drawing the entire form whether you can see all of it or not gives you more perspective of how it exists in the 3D space you attempt to create. People sometimes neglect thinking about these sections of their forms and just end up clipping forms through each other.

Overall while you still have things to work on this is definitely a step in the right direction, I'm sure you'll improve with more mileage in your warm ups as well so I'll be marking your submission as complete and moving you on to the next lesson.

Keep practicing previous exercises as warm ups and good luck in lesson 3!

Next Steps:

Move on to lesson 3.

This critique marks this lesson as complete.
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