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7:00 PM, Saturday April 13th 2024
edited at 7:16 PM, Apr 13th 2024

I'd like to point out 2 things here

  1. all of your constrctions are lacking line weight and shadows filled in with solid black, which makes it really hard to understand how these parts exist in space. Your elephant is an example of this effect, as I can't make out the forms with all the noise. If you dont have a brush pen or thicker pen to fill your cast shadows with, still fill them as solidly as you can with the pen your using. A half-hearted effort will just create a focal point and draw your veiwers attention to it. Uncomfortable mentions that in his cast shadows video. If your worried about your pen, I tried it in lesson 2 as i didnt have a brush pen either and it did get use up faster, but the clarity and understanding it gives is well worth it.

  2. this is something you can take with a grain of salt as I am currently working through this lesson myself. You constantly added forms to your bluebird construction, which isn't a very good idea as it adds noise and breaks up the bird as a whole, ruining the solidity. Try to stick closer to uncomfortable's method and imagine that your merging your forms together. Sorry if that comes of as a dumb platitude but it's the best I have.

good job forging through though

edit: I looked at your sketchbook and I think you should focus on your warmups and understanding each task and the units of work they consist of

edited at 7:16 PM, Apr 13th 2024
8:36 PM, Saturday April 13th 2024

Thank you for the advice, cast shadows were something I avoided post the organic intersections exercise entirely either out of not considering them or just not having such a pen as you mentioned

This lesson was stretched across almost two years with massive hiatuses inbetween so most of it is either me having to get myself reoriented with the skills the lesson teaches at points I return (all my drawings have dates labeled to check) or a slow gradual pointing myself in the right direction with each constructional drawing

those sketchbook drawings are massively old but I do draw on my own time and always do warmups before starting my lesson-work; I've even started taking longer time on said warm ups to help me lock into the main course better.

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3:17 AM, Thursday April 18th 2024

Hi Allipses — 

My name is ariejamesdallas and I am offering a volunteer critique. I'm also studying with Drawabox.

First off, congratulations finishing this lesson. It's a biggin!

Moving on to your Organic Intersections you are drawing with confidence! I especially see that in the contour lines you are wrapping around the sausages. You also have your sausages oriented perpendicularly which is helping to make them appear to have weight and volume!

To go further with the Organic intersections I suggest you fill in your shadows in completely. It will help sell the appearance of real weight and light. Try filling in the ones from your homework and see if you can tell a difference.

As far as your animals are going I wanted to compliment you on your drawings where you are taking the time to do individual strokes of fur/hair. I see this on the bluebird drawing that you aren't just copying the same pattern but rather have some feathers swoop up while others swoop down. At other times you do appear to get rushed with the hair, like the gerbal drawing where the hair lines are not fully coming together which is making the illusion of tufts of fur less real.

In your constructions I can see that you are following the process of first building a primary structure composed of ribcage, pelvis, and head. Nice job keeping the forms for the head/ribcage/pelvis simple. As you build forms on top of the primary structure, there are drawings where I'm starting to get the sense of wrapping forms, such as the elephant legs. Or the the muscle that you attach to the legs in the cat drawings.

In other drawing I feel like your forms are not wrapping around the form in a convincing way, and appear more flat, such as the elephant #1 head. I think you have the basic idea of the lesson down, but I think you can push it further to really get a better sense of illusion. Remember each piece that you add to a mass you already have drawn, is it's own little 3D piece that while separate, also adheres to the primary form underneath. This is the whole concept of making things look like they are wrapping around eachother.

I hope this critique finds you well. I've left some suggested revisions in a separate place.

Keep going!

Next Steps:

For revisions I suggest you to do one page of sausage forms with contour lines such as [https://d15v304a6xpq4b.cloudfront.net/lesson_images/07c7e90b.jpg] I know this is homework from Lesson 2, but I think in addition to filling in your sausage shadows, you could benefit from focusing on making more rounded sausage ends.

Additionally I suggest that you copy some of the head constructions from the demos, if you haven't done them already. If you have, I'd suggest that you do three more pages of animals focusing on using the eye socket construction method that Uncomfortable demonstrates in the Lesson 5 material.

When finished, reply to this critique with your revisions.
1:10 PM, Wednesday April 24th 2024

Revisions done! Thank you for your valuable feedback

7:28 PM, Thursday April 25th 2024

Hi again!

I do think that you are headed in the right direction with these!

I could mark this lesson as complete and that would make sense in allowing you to proceed to the next section. However, I also think it would be worthwhile to try experimenting with your approach.

I'm going to try to make a little video to explain how to think about the sausages method and the skull method — when I do I'll share it. It might take me a week or so, but I'd rather show it than write it.

9:29 PM, Thursday April 25th 2024

Okay, I can wait for that; Thank you for putting the extra time into critiquing my work, it means a lot.

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