10:55 AM, Monday June 27th 2022
hey there emoki, i'll be the one critiquing you today,
before starting off, one thing i've noticed is that there are some doodles/ notes/ self reflection in your submission, it's best that we separate these onto a different paper since sometimes the people who offers feedback gets distracted by it which could affect the quality of their critiques.
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so starting off with your arrows, you did a good job conveying the fluidity of the arrow as it goes through the page, the initial line is also well-executed(although, sometimes the line-weight makes it look broken/ chickenscratched) but there could still be some room for improvement and remember to always apply the ghosting method. for your lineweight, only add it to the overlaps of the arrows(or sausages/ forms when you reach lesson 4/5) since it's pretty hard to ghost the entirety of the arrow in one go, it would also better convey the overlaps of the arrow and would lessen the mistake in case you miss it, but it's good that you're subtle when applying lineweight and kept it with only 1 additional line. this image right here could be of use for you to keep in mind when applying lineweight.
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for the leaves, i'd like to raise some points here, so let's take your tropical palm leaf for example: this image here would tackle some of the things that you did wrong
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so firstly when you're gonna enclose your major leaf shape, it's best that you try to commit with it rather than ignore it since it'll just add lines on the page and each line is made from a decision, and that decision builds up which then forms into a drawing in your case, ignoring it will make it feel 2d or not as believable as when you build it on top of one another, supporting one another, here's how'd i tackle it, even if it doesn't look like the reference you can deviate from it as long as the construction feels believable, you can also see that i didn't disregard the major leaf shape and worked with it(here's another example when constructing complex leaves).
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next when adding texture don't hatch the shadows to fill it in, refer back to lesson 2 where it's tackled that we should be focusing on the cast shadows of the form rather than the form shadows(and filling it), keep in mind the textural properties for lesson 2 since in your work you've drew the outline of the leaf veins rather than focusing on the cast shadows of it(an example of how to do the texture of a leaf is here.
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lastly is your edges for some of your leaves, there is one leaf (which could've been just a minor slip up) where you're zigzagging your lines and not respectfully following the major leaf shapes, making it feel like it's floating rather than a part of a leaf(like the leaf in the middle).
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next up is your branches, i see you that you tried your best to stick on how to construct your branches, but keep in mind that we're constructing branches and not cylinders connected to one another; when connecting it the edges shouldn't have a sharp corner but rather a smooth transition. for the ellipses:
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some of your ellipses are drawn through 1 times/ 4 or more times, remember back to lesson one that we'd want to keep drawing through it around 2-3 times.
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sometimes the degree shift of your ellipses suddenly widens and narrows within a very little length giving it a feeling that the branch is so big that it's dramatically widening/ narrowing which shouldn't be the case, remember back in lesson 1 that as the ellipse goes further, the degree of the ellipse gets wider and as it goes to the viewer it gets narrower, so it should subtly widen/ narrow as it goes futher or closer to the viewer.
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moving onto your plants, i have a couple of points to raise here:
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you seem to be very loose when it comes to marking your lines, don't rush and use the ghosting method how many times you want, if you seem to catch your self from rushing try to stop for awhile take a break and continue it later on.
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always have reference since i can see in some of your pages that there's the same plant with a repetitive outcome(daisy#4, daisy#7, daisy#8, last page daisy) - also take a good long look at your reference, it isn't required for you to completely copy your reference, just break it down using a series of shapes/lines(ellipses, branches, leaves, contour lines.), and lastly use non-committal marks such as dots or dashes so that will be able to visualize and still correct it if you think that it's still wrong, you can also use it to know how big you want your leaf/ pot/ plant to be.
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don't use hatching to fill in shadows or big spaces, if you're using it to differentiate which is in front and which is in front, use lineweight - be subtle when using lineweight, only superimposed once or twice, and only add it when there are overlaps occuring.
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for pots, try to add more ellipses/cylinders to it or copy the reference's pot to further emphasive the body/ the rim of the pot and the soil of the pot like this also only add hatching lines(if you'll add one) to the visible parts of the soil.
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also don't draw too small or fit 3 or more plants onto one page, working small will be awkward to our arm and would force us to work on it using either the elbow or the wrist, it also lessens our spatial understanding of the plant, object, try to atleast work with 1-2 plants per page or if you still insist to work with 3 or more plants, don't overlap them to one another.
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there are still some things to be worked on so i won't let you off on this lesson yet, there are somethings that i want you to fully understand and apply, you also seem to forget some of the concepts so keep in mind the points that i've raised and ask questions if you ever have one. for now i suggest that you go back and revisit the lesson's content, don't rush - rushing won't do anything good, good luck and i'll be waiting for your revisions
Next Steps:
1 page each for leaves, branches
3 pages for any plant that you'd like with no texture(1 could be from comfy's demo. include the reference.).